Seeing both sides: the drug user and the ones they hurt

    As a child, I believed my biological parents chose drugs over me. It always felt personal and deliberate, and I carried that belief for years. It wasn't until I faced my own struggles that the shape of that choice began to change. Seeing both sides didn't excuse the pain, but it taught me some things I never expected to understand.

    My parents often struggled with alcohol and hard drugs, and throughout my childhood, I dealt with feelings of anger, hurt, distrust, and hatred. Despite being raised by someone without these issues, in adulthood, I found myself drawn to alcohol, LSD, and pills (Xanax, painkillers, muscle relaxants, etc.) I wasn't drawn to a particular pill, and I never really turned to harder drugs. I was always desperate to "escape life for a while" or "drown out my emotional sorrows." Eventually, I even had a period of time where I took handfuls of Benadryl without even counting (not due to the old TikTok challenge.) Don't do that, by the way. 

    I slowly got myself away from alcohol and pills that weren't prescribed to me. I had to do it all on my own, as I've been broke and poor since adulthood. There was no way I could afford rehab or anything decent, so I sadly dealt with the process alone, but I succeeded and have been good about it since. However, my father didn't let himself be that lucky, as it eventually took his life. Unlike my mother, my father at least tried to come back and develop some kind of a relationship with me before he passed away. 

    Drug/alcohol addiction is a tragedy within itself, and they're extremely difficult to kick, but not impossible. I may not have struggled with harder ones like cocaine, methamphetamine, or heroin, but dealing with addiction as a whole...I now understand what my parents were dealing with. It doesn't discredit or minimize the hurt, but it has changed my views, and I no longer can hate them for it the way that I did before. The world would be so much better if we could learn to understand each other and realize that everyone struggles through their own differences, trauma, and pain. That doesn't mean we should take those understandings and use it to "get away with things" or treat each other like garbage some leave on the sidewalks, but it means that we can come together and make changes we never thought could be possible and broaden our own headspaces.